Dirty Little Secrets of Cheating Spouses
Adultery. What a terrifying word. When one thinks of adultery, one thinks of some soap-opera or a story about a neighbor - rarely does anyone plan to have a cheating spouse in their own home. That is, until one day you fear you're spouse is cheating on you.
Adultery. What a terrifying word. When one thinks of adultery, one thinks of some soap-opera or a story about a neighbor - rarely does anyone plan to have a cheating spouse in their own home. That is, until one day you fear you're spouse is cheating on you.
To start, the slow realization of a cheating spouse is a tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses comings and goings start to raise your suspicions. Perhaps he/she has many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your spouse just seems "absent" from your relationship - but happy. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint the moment when adultery became reality in their life.
No two cheating spouses are the same, but most unfaithful spouses have some dirty things in common. These same characteristics are also the key to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.
Cheating spouses hate lying to you - at first. Yes, it is true. Most spouses that are cheating really struggle with the dishonesty at first. Over time, the guilt becomes dull, and lying becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is portraying a very guilty attitude around you of late, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.
Unfaithful spouses are the some of the most stressed-out human beings you may ever come into contact with. The stress of lying, keeping up two dishonest lives, keeping all the lies in order, and trying to keep two partners content can be extremely over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, most unfaithful spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so it will all just stop.
Unfaithful spouses need today's technology to keep the affair alive. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier to maintain - and also make affairs much easier to being in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship, start by checking all email and cell phone accounts. Any unknown email address or cell phone number should be traced for your peace of mind.
Not all cheating spouses are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to good people. Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a bad person due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses in hiding.
If infidelity is confirmed in your relationship, there are things you must keep in mind. The next steps, actions and decisions are about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not waste your precious energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just experienced a very traumatic experience event that is centered around trust. The misconception is that healing from infidelity involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this might be on your list of future issues to deal with, this should not be your immediate concern. Your first issue to tackle will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Cheating spouses tend to thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed spouses inflict upon themselves. The desire to trust is stronger than the desire to find out someone you are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victim of trust-issues is the betrayed spouses. Take time out for yourself and heal yourself before you attempt any other changes in your life.
Adultery. What a terrifying word. When one thinks of adultery, one thinks of some soap-opera or a story about a neighbor - rarely does anyone plan to have a cheating spouse in their own home. That is, until one day you fear you're spouse is cheating on you.
To start, the slow realization of a cheating spouse is a tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses comings and goings start to raise your suspicions. Perhaps he/she has many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your spouse just seems "absent" from your relationship - but happy. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint the moment when adultery became reality in their life.
No two cheating spouses are the same, but most unfaithful spouses have some dirty things in common. These same characteristics are also the key to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.
Cheating spouses hate lying to you - at first. Yes, it is true. Most spouses that are cheating really struggle with the dishonesty at first. Over time, the guilt becomes dull, and lying becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is portraying a very guilty attitude around you of late, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.
Unfaithful spouses are the some of the most stressed-out human beings you may ever come into contact with. The stress of lying, keeping up two dishonest lives, keeping all the lies in order, and trying to keep two partners content can be extremely over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, most unfaithful spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so it will all just stop.
Unfaithful spouses need today's technology to keep the affair alive. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier to maintain - and also make affairs much easier to being in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship, start by checking all email and cell phone accounts. Any unknown email address or cell phone number should be traced for your peace of mind.
Not all cheating spouses are bad people. Affairs actually can happen to good people. Yes, an affair can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a bad person due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most unfaithful spouses in hiding.
If infidelity is confirmed in your relationship, there are things you must keep in mind. The next steps, actions and decisions are about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not waste your precious energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just experienced a very traumatic experience event that is centered around trust. The misconception is that healing from infidelity involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this might be on your list of future issues to deal with, this should not be your immediate concern. Your first issue to tackle will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Cheating spouses tend to thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed spouses inflict upon themselves. The desire to trust is stronger than the desire to find out someone you are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victim of trust-issues is the betrayed spouses. Take time out for yourself and heal yourself before you attempt any other changes in your life.
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